Nooses, Mermaids, and Dinner Conversation
by XRPxGoddessX
Summary: Hook and Smee talk about the future after Pan, a conversation sparked by discussion of Pan's location.


Totally don't own these characters, and stuff 3 you know

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You know, dinner time had always been a good time for Jacoby Smee. It was a time to relax, a time to think, and above all things, time to eat. He was, in his own respects a rather large and rounded man, obviously having a fair few good meals in his time, and he was one of the lucky few to escape the bread and watered-down ale that was the diet of a pirate, for on most nights, he would have dinner with the Captain. 

Smee smiled to himself, knocking on the Captain's door, and upon hearing a faint and tired 'come in' he entered the chambers of Captain James Hook. Smee was always one to look at the romantic size of piracy and apart from the fighting and killing and general loss-of-limb, that his Captain was the finest to sail the seven seas. Well actually they'd only ever sailed one and it wasn't really a sea. It was more of an oversized mermaid pool, but that was beside the point. The point is if Captain Hook had ever sailed the seven seas he would have given Black Beard a run for his money, and that Smee would bet ever penny he had on.

"What is it Smee," Hook muttered in a mournful tone, looking up at him with a frown.

"Well actually Cap'in, it's time for dinner, and I took it upon meself ta make your favorite so you wouldn't have ta eat swill tonight. Ya look like ya need cheerin," he said happily, waddling in and placing the tray on the table.

"Oh Smee, it's dredful," Hook began, reaching for the napkin. Smee smacked his hand away, taking it for himself and draping it over Hook's lap for him as if he was his own mother.

"Of course it is Cap'in."

"No matter what I do, those blasted children always get away. Why Smee? Why," he said grabbing the small man by the collar of his shirt with a sharp keen hook. Smee gulped lightly, looking down at the hook and then up to Captain Hook, smiling lightly.

"I'm not sure Ca-c-cappin but why don't we discuss this after dinner?" Smee asked with a hopeful twitch, holding up a steamed lobster in his pudgy hand.

"I suppose you're right," Hook said, letting him go and looking to the food, beginning to eat. Smee smiled to himself and sat down next to him, sipping gingerly from a small mug of home-brewed beer, made by Jukes just last night. "Tell me, Smee. Is there any new information concerning the location of Pan's hideout?" he asked with a stern look, cutting a bit off of a whole fish, popping it into his mouth.

Smee looked down, his eyes shifting uneasily from side to side, as if he was using his mind too much. It happened often to the poor man. "Ummm...Well I know that the fairies know, and the mermaids know, and the Indians know, but uhhh…I haven't got a blinkin clue," he said with a sweet smile, looking up at hook with a shrug, beginning to eat.

Hook frowned to himself, staring into his mug as well, blowing a bit of foam from the edges. "Figures… Perhaps we could persuade one of the mermaids to tell us," he suggested, sitting back in his chair, not hungry anymore. Too much talk of Pan.

Again Smee looked down, sipping at his cup with a thoughtful, yet null look. "Well we could always do that. I hear they are easy to flatter." All at once his little bright eyes lit up, looking up at Hook. "Ey! Cap'in, you're good lookin fella, you should go and flirt with one of um, ya know. They would be sure to tell ya somethin," he said, looking rather proud of himself for his plan.

Hook smirked to himself, picking at the table with his hook, carving little letters into the table. "Perhaps. You may have something there, Smee. They are quite vain. But, you forget one thing. I do not flirt with anyone," he said his face flattening as if the plan was denied. Hook would not be going around flirting with girls. That was unacceptable.

Smee pouted and sat forward, looking up at him. "Why not Cap'in maybe that's just the key you know. You're problem is Pan has charm and you refuse to use yours. I'm sure that same ole teenage Hookie is in there somewhere," he said, nudging the Captain's arm. He'd remembered when he'd first met James Hook, he was quite the swinger; always with one girl or the next, you know.

Hook chuckled lightly to himself, remembering these times himself. Hook was never one to laugh, but he was human, and remembering a happier time in his existence always seemed to make him either happy, or manically depressed. "I suppose. I was quite popular with the ladies when I was a teenager," he said with a smile, looking up at Smee with cool gray-green eyes.

"Exactly," Smee said with a smile, beginning to eat from his plate with a smile, "I've often wondered why you never settled down. You always seemed like the type who'd settle so easily." He shook his head as if in awe at the fact that Hook was still alone. It was all a bit tragic really.

"I don't know Smee," he said with a sigh, sitting forward and looking down at his plate, "Women never want to stay with me. I suppose they tend to be unable to deal with my temper." James looked down, looking a bit regretful of this. He remembered one time, he's caught one of his girls with another man and he'd given the other chap a black eye, regardless of the fact that he didn't even know Hook existed. He sighed to himself. Blast his temper.

Smee shared Hook's general melancholy expression, sighing to himself. "I remember when I was your age, I had me a terribly nice lady, but she said she needed a man with a little more... of a temper," he said softly, looking down for a moment before chuckling to himself, "Women... neva know what they want."

"Precisely."

"Less predictable than the ocean, they are," Smee said, pulling out a stripped hankie and blowing his nose as if he might cry. Hook frowned at his mate, patting him on the back.

Hook pulled away, sipping his wine slowly. "Well, we don't have to worry about that now, do we? There are virtually no women here in this dreadful place. Instead, there are children galore," he said with a sneer, looking as if he might vomit at the thought. Smee winced at this, hoping it wasn't he that upsetted the captain this time.

"Yes and unfortunately, where women are, babies come, and then babies turn into children. Maybe it's best you are a bachelor sir," he said softly, sighing at the thought. He had always wanted children. He saw nothing wrong with them. Pan and his friends weren't angels for sure, but Smee had always thought his children would be more orderly and nurtured.

"I couldn't agree more."

"I'm afraid you'd kill your children Cap'in."

Hook looked up immediately from his food as if Smee had driven a nail through his heart.

"You really think I'd kill my own child, Smee?" he asked hurtfully, looking down for a moment, and then back up to him, "If I had a son, perhaps I could model him after me. Then I'm sure I'd like him."

"But what if it's a daughter, sir? Pan would surely try to vex her. That would be heartbreakin," he said with a gentle warning wince. There were few times when Smee made sense, and there were few times when Hook understood his friend, but this made all the sense in the world to Hook, and the thought made his eyes flash hot red.

"You're exactly right. That damn Pan ruins everything and he wouldn't hesitate to ruin a person of my flesh and blood. There's nothing sacred to that wretched child," he said with a sneer, sitting away from his food and beginning to pick at the table again.

"He just wants ta depress you captain. He takes all the happy thoughts for himself. He's a selfish child. As soon as you get rid of Pan, I think then would be the right time to leave this dreaded Neverland, get yourself a nice lady friend, and have a have some lovely children of your own, who are everything like you," he said, trying to cheer up James, patting him comfortingly on the back.

"I would love to leave this place. But, what of you, Smee? Would you continue to be my first mate?" he said, looking up at Smee with a determined look. Smee had been his very best and only friend for what seemed like ages. Ever since they'd came here, and that seemed like a thousand years ago. It was a long time to be with such a man as Smee, but to Hook, his presence was needed, almost like an addiction.

"I always fancied retiring. Maybe we can move back to London... get a few houses right next door and I can finally get married to a fine woman...who doesn't have a heart as black as Davy Jones' locker," he said with a sad look, Hook handing him back his hankie so he could wipe away a few tears.

"It would be nice to see London again, wouldn't it? I don't know if I'd be able to live without being on the sea, though. It's been a part of my life for as long as I can remember," he said, looking over the half-eaten plate before him.

Smee smirked lightly, nudging James' arm with a grin. "Well, I'm sure there are lots of Navy positions. I hear women find men in the army even more alluring. That absence thing, ya know," he said as he wiggled a fuzzy gray eyebrow.

"Become an honest sailor?" Hook said with a chuckle. He'd never really thought of that, "I don't know. Besides, I have this horrid hook. What woman would want a man with a hook?"

Smee looked up again as if he was breaking his brain in thought. "I know. I heard that in the real world now, when men loose their limps, they can get new ones- fake ones. Not just hooks," he said with a smile, all of a sudden coming up with something else, "OH! That's it Cap'in! You can get yourself one of those nurturing types... nooses, I think they're called. She wouldn't care about that hand, as long as the other is there to hold her. Tell them it's a war wound. They'd call you strong and brave. Hehe how's that for a plan?"

Hook nodded to himself, thinking it over. "Aye. Now all I have to do is kill Pan and his lost boys, move to London, get a job in the navy, and marry a noose, which brings us back to our current predicament… finding Pan's hideout. I suppose I could talk to one of the mermaids tomorrow and see where it gets me," he said softly, with a smirk, finishing off his food and pulling the napkin from his lap.

"Right, Cap'in, I'll get the crew ready. You get yourself a good nights sleep and I'll be back bright and early in the morning," Smee said with a smile, whistling to himself as he gathered up all the plates and such, leaving the bottle of wine for the Captain as he, himself got up, getting ready for be. "G'night, Cap'in," Smee said with a smile, standing by the door, walking out with a bright, rosy-cheeked smile.

"Night Smee," Hook said with a smirk, shaking his head as he continued to get ready for bed.

Smee smiled as he walked down to the kitchen with the dishes. The Captain was a good man really. Time had just tainted him with anger and malice. He was, deep inside, a truly good man, that was teased a bit too much in his childhood.


End file.
